I just had one of those days. You know the ones. The "well-intentioned but didn't go as planned" kind of days. As I lay here struggling to fall asleep, thoughts of everything I didn't accomplish today keep running through my mind on a constant loop. Like a nagging, annoying voice telling me every way I've failed. Hi, I'm Tashina Jensen and I am a mom. (Hi Tashina.)
Let me tell you a little bit about myself. I love structure. I love scheduling out my week, planning out each day, and I also very much enjoy sitting down and reading. Or at least... I used to. I think I have a sickness. Somewhere over the course of the last few years, my ability to just sit and read a good book has dwindled. I've actually heard of many similar cases of this epidemic happening across the entire WORLD, where passions and desires are being set on the back burner and eventually forgotten about, causing them to go up in smoke. I think the experts are calling this very common plague "adulting". Go ahead and laugh a little (it was a slightly amusing joke), but I guarantee if you thought back, you would realize there was a lot that you had let go of in life. I'm not saying it's all bad--some things we are meant to walk away from. But the love of books is not something I view as a negative, it's just not a luxury I seem to have anymore. You see, I am a mom, but I still have passions. Reading is definitely one of my favorite pastimes. I know this is the first time you’ve read a post from our blog in quite a long while, and normally I would apologize profusely for that, but not anymore. I’ve been so busy raising up first one, and now two sweet babies. I’ve been spending most of my time covered in drool, crumbs, and whatever that constant stickiness is. I’ve been living life mostly in leggings and baggy shirts, no makeup on, hair thrown up in the messiest of buns. I decided to make a change. I workout hard every morning and have been intentional about making time for myself. Reading, writing, re-decorating my home, you name it. I am a mom, but I still have dreams. This blog is so much more than just a creative outlet for me. Writing is the one thing in life that I would love to pursue. You see, so many of us when we get older, whether it’s because of school, careers, or becoming parents, lose sight of the things we are truly passionate about. I am a mom, but I am also a writer. I am a mom, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be me. I am a mom, but I am only human. Some days I will cry—a lot. I won’t always be able to think reasonably in the heat of the moment. Sometimes I will raise my voice at my children (who are really still just babies) because I can’t seem to get a break. The house won’t always be clean, the meals won’t always be ready, and on occasion the laundry will pile up. I am a mom, but my main focus will always be God. So if that means attempting to ignore my children’s cries for a few extra minutes to be able to wrap up my quiet time, then by all means I will. I am a mom, but I am also a wife. My husband is my second priority. That means finding things we can do together, sometimes with the kids and sometimes just the two of us. That means pouring our hearts into every moment we get to spend together. We like hiking, playing video games together, cooking new recipes, reading, exploring new places, and of course playing with our kids. I am a mom, but I haven’t really been able to set down roots anywhere. Being a military wife means being flexible and willing to move—a lot. The most time we have spent in one place so far is 9 months. This means always starting over, making new friends, finding new friends for my babies, getting established a new church, a new gym, a new small-group. Being a mom, there’s this longing in my heart to really create a home. It’s hard that so far it’s been a few months here, a few months there, packing, un-packing, packing, un-packing, over and over. I am a mom, but I trust completely in God. I know that He will provide for me the desires of my heart, and that as always, it will be above and beyond anything I could ask or imagine. I know that I won’t always have control over everything and that more often than not, I will have control over nothing. But that’s okay. Being a mom doesn’t mean I have to be perfect, always put-together, with a pristine house, tidy children, completely homemade meals always ready when my husband walks through the door, always with a smile on my face, blah blah blah blah blah. Being a mom, to me, means getting dirty with my kids, some days choosing to stay all day in baggy clothes and cuddle with my babies, making those sometimes store bought dinners with my husband and being perfectly at peace with not being perfect! I will always try my hardest, never give up, and be an imperfect example of God’s perfect love to my husband, my children, and hopefully to everyone around me. I am a mom, but there is nothing else on Earth I would rather be. Maybe someday I will be able to do missions full time (with my family this time), maybe someday I will be a successful author or esteemed writer. For now, however, I am just going to enjoy every moment I am blessed enough to stay at home with my babies and really soak up these years of pouring into this ministry. Because serving your family is serving God. And setting time aside for yourself doesn’t mean that your family will get the last of you, it means they will get the best of you. I am a mom, but… I’ve never been more happy. sincerely, t
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TashinaRead. Write. Create. Love. Archives
October 2018
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